quietmounds | (no subject)

[A pained, frustrated eye closing, but then]

I said. I was never going to abandon you.

I said, there isn't anyone more important to me.

I said anything is fine, if it's what you want.

I said, your life is worth as much as mine.

I said I can't be happy without you.

I said I was never only here because you were the boss.

I said I quit, but that doesn't change anything.

Any of this sounding familiar?

I’m not ...

[W a I t s]

[ i dont have anything to give back i cant do this im not worth it why me ]

[ ah. ]

I'm sorry.

. . .

For?

Everything. . .?

...just...

[Frowns and folds a bit, letting go of his hold on dazai's shirt]

Just fucking believe me when I tell you something. You've got some goddamn gall thinking I was never going to talk to again right after all of that.

[ kind of a wild look ]

Would you have. . . if I didn't. . .

[ trails off ]

...finish your sentences.

[ inhale,

he can't pinch himself but but just kind of bangs his broken hand against his hip and shakes his head ]

If I never apologized or you hadn't come to the bar, would you have spoken to me again?

...Obviously!

[Why. Are you...?]

What did I just say???

You said you would [ but i couldn't tell because we didn't speak for 4 days and admittedly, it feels like two to him but. ].

[ right, of he just fucked up but he has it. ] I understand.

Do you really?

Tell me what you understand.

[Literally like he's talking to a child at this point but you deserve it]

I was wrong to distrust you.

[un...sure... but]

...and you'll believe me now?

. . . Yes.

[ well, more he wants to but that's good enough isn't it? Even if he has his doubts, he can pretend, he's sure he won't fail probably maybe. ]

[yeah im sure it will go fine

this relief isn't sincere enough to suggest Chuuya Wholly Believes That, but he's accepting what it is, anyway

exhales and pulls Dazai's arm back over his shoulder to continue walking home]

Good.

If I have to explain this again I'm going to kick your ass.

Will you.

[ kind of doubts that in a way but whatever, homeward they continue going ]

And, if you want me to kick your ass you can just say so. You don't have to piss me off on purpose.

Hah.

It's better than breaking your fingers. You can't keep treating your body like this.

I'm not [ it's hard to say for some reason even if he didn't mean it, to just say it, it sticks in a funny way ] boss anymore, so it's not like I need to do anything.

[ if he doesnt have to kill anyone why would he have to not have a broken fucked up body huh riddle me that ]

...should I break my fingers too, then?

[ what ]

— no.

Why not? It's not like I need them for Port Mafia now, right?

Hell, let's be real, I never needed them to begin with. I can kill people just as well without them.