(no subject)

[clocked_out]

WHAT a new post on the forums
WHERE interwebz
WHEN day """5"""

17/m/your mom seeking chess people but not CHESS people unless they know how to play chess idk chess people are great

alright who here is hells good at chess
my standards arent high honestly if you can play a full game without burning the fucking table down its a whole lot better than i can do right now
but if youre the type to get your giggles out of devious ploys and furtive goings on
essentially one of those sick fucks who feels a warm flowing feeling at the prospect of gettin all machivellian over a stupid fake strategy game with stupid rules
then bonus points or whatever merit currency you want
the point is i need to get good at it asap for reasons
like
i literally need to have been good at this yesterday

Comments

[dialogical]

Bro.
Come on.

[clocked_out]

ok but can you just like
hack my brain or something
can that happen

[dialogical]

Like plant subliminal chess moves into your iShades?

[clocked_out]

yeah that thing exactly

[dialogical]

No.
I mean, probably.
If I felt like that was a a worthwhile use of my effectively unlimited processing power.

un: spaghettiiii

[foretasted]

I can teach you, but I only offer a flat monthly fee.

Re: un: spaghettiiii

[clocked_out]

how good are you
what do your chess creds look like

Re: un: spaghettiiii

[foretasted]

I've never played in tournaments or anything I can use to easily establish my skills, but my family is extremely competitive about it, and I've played for most of my life. My win-loss ratio is the best out of my sibling's, and I don't really bother keeping track outside of that, because I don't lose. ✌️

Re: un: spaghettiiii

[clocked_out]

damn
that was a paradigmatic level of chess smugness

Re: un: spaghettiiii

[foretasted]

I'm almost positive that was not meant as I compliment, but I am taking it as one.

un: sixsixsixtynine

[turnonmycharm]

I can teach you. But I'm going to need to know the story.

[clocked_out]

whys there got to be a """story"""
cant a guy just urgently need to know how to play a board game without any sort of narrative being attached to it

[turnonmycharm]

Sure, that could happen, but it didn't.

[clocked_out]

what are your chess creds
i gotta know what im getting for the price of a story this dumb to be passin through my lips

[turnonmycharm]

I've beaten a few grandmasters in my time.

Those are the really powerful chess nerds In case you were wondering.

un: knighttoremember

[oneknightsstand]

I led the chess club in high school, I was and am that nerd so if you are looking for chess nerds I can nerd your chess.

Re: un: knighttoremember

[clocked_out]

youre............
youre perfect

Re: un: knighttoremember

[oneknightsstand]

Thanks, I think. Contextually I am not actually 100% percento sure this is a compliment but I will take it.

Re: un: knighttoremember

[clocked_out]

what no
it totally is
dont get me wrong im not down on chess as some kind of self-defeating sneer against intellectualism
i just think theres a reason that its the metaphor of choice for like every single badly developed villain ever written
and the reason is that chess sucks

Re: un: knighttoremember

[oneknightsstand]

Naw like hear me out for a second dude, or dudette, or dudenby, I am not gonna assume.

The thing is chess itself is a game, it's a strategy game, like, fuck, Guess Who is a strategy game, the problem is it, being chess in this case, is a game that people decided was super deep and symbolic, so rich white dudes began sucking their own dicks over it, and then it became its own dicksuck allegory for being SUPER SMART AND MACHIAVELLIAN and so you got all your moriarities like, i play chess backwards in my sleep against other geniuses only, exclusively, and meanwhile Arthur Conan Doyle is just crying every night about how he wants to kill off Holmes and stop jerking off a fanbase he doesn't even like. The point is the shitty villains are badly developed and shitty because the people who write chess as super deep forget what it is, and if you remember what it is it is fun, because, like, nobody likes fucking literary fiction about middle aged professors solving their crises by dicking an underage student and then having feelings about their own lost youth, but everyone likes fucking YA adventures where the plucky protagonist jumps the d of their hot teacher.

tl;dr people write chess like it's a classic literature bullshit but it's actually genre

tl;dr we'll have fun bucko

[keijournal]

Oh, is this how you did it.

[clocked_out]

yep
just solicited a stranger on the internet to teach me for a couple hours
popped back in kicked your ass
one and done

[keijournal]

You might end up having more of a head for it than you expect.

Somehow unsurprising how many people here are actually really into chess.

[clocked_out]

christ i hope not
ive gotten used to blustering whistle slot over ass through life i dont want to develop any skills like """foresight""" or """not immediately verbalizing every thought that crosses my mind"""
anyway yeah i figured id get a few bites

[babyjail]

I know shogi.