(no subject)

[clocked_out]

WHAT a new post on the forums
WHERE interwebz
WHEN day """5"""

17/m/your mom seeking chess people but not CHESS people unless they know how to play chess idk chess people are great

alright who here is hells good at chess
my standards arent high honestly if you can play a full game without burning the fucking table down its a whole lot better than i can do right now
but if youre the type to get your giggles out of devious ploys and furtive goings on
essentially one of those sick fucks who feels a warm flowing feeling at the prospect of gettin all machivellian over a stupid fake strategy game with stupid rules
then bonus points or whatever merit currency you want
the point is i need to get good at it asap for reasons
like
i literally need to have been good at this yesterday

Comments

[dialogical]

Bro.
Come on.

un: spaghettiiii

[foretasted]

I can teach you, but I only offer a flat monthly fee.

[clocked_out]

ok but can you just like
hack my brain or something
can that happen

Re: un: spaghettiiii

[clocked_out]

how good are you
what do your chess creds look like

[dialogical]

Like plant subliminal chess moves into your iShades?

[clocked_out]

yeah that thing exactly

Re: un: spaghettiiii

[foretasted]

I've never played in tournaments or anything I can use to easily establish my skills, but my family is extremely competitive about it, and I've played for most of my life. My win-loss ratio is the best out of my sibling's, and I don't really bother keeping track outside of that, because I don't lose. ✌️

[dialogical]

No.
I mean, probably.
If I felt like that was a a worthwhile use of my effectively unlimited processing power.

[clocked_out]

yeah that was pretty much a dumb idea
so
could you teach me
if you want to i mean

un: sixsixsixtynine

[turnonmycharm]

I can teach you. But I'm going to need to know the story.

[clocked_out]

whys there got to be a """story"""
cant a guy just urgently need to know how to play a board game without any sort of narrative being attached to it

[turnonmycharm]

Sure, that could happen, but it didn't.

[clocked_out]

what are your chess creds
i gotta know what im getting for the price of a story this dumb to be passin through my lips

un: knighttoremember

[oneknightsstand]

I led the chess club in high school, I was and am that nerd so if you are looking for chess nerds I can nerd your chess.

[turnonmycharm]

I've beaten a few grandmasters in my time.

Those are the really powerful chess nerds In case you were wondering.

[dialogical]

Sure.
Like I'd leave my bro hanging just because I'm not going to program your brain for you.
You ever played?

Re: un: knighttoremember

[clocked_out]

youre............
youre perfect

Re: un: knighttoremember

[oneknightsstand]

Thanks, I think. Contextually I am not actually 100% percento sure this is a compliment but I will take it.

[clocked_out]

hmm
ordinarily id call horsehit but the self-effacing follow-up kind of sells me on it

[turnonmycharm]

Ha! I see chess club nerd is also offering to help. Maybe he's more your speed ;)

Re: un: knighttoremember

[clocked_out]

what no
it totally is
dont get me wrong im not down on chess as some kind of self-defeating sneer against intellectualism
i just think theres a reason that its the metaphor of choice for like every single badly developed villain ever written
and the reason is that chess sucks

Re: un: knighttoremember

[oneknightsstand]

Naw like hear me out for a second dude, or dudette, or dudenby, I am not gonna assume.

The thing is chess itself is a game, it's a strategy game, like, fuck, Guess Who is a strategy game, the problem is it, being chess in this case, is a game that people decided was super deep and symbolic, so rich white dudes began sucking their own dicks over it, and then it became its own dicksuck allegory for being SUPER SMART AND MACHIAVELLIAN and so you got all your moriarities like, i play chess backwards in my sleep against other geniuses only, exclusively, and meanwhile Arthur Conan Doyle is just crying every night about how he wants to kill off Holmes and stop jerking off a fanbase he doesn't even like. The point is the shitty villains are badly developed and shitty because the people who write chess as super deep forget what it is, and if you remember what it is it is fun, because, like, nobody likes fucking literary fiction about middle aged professors solving their crises by dicking an underage student and then having feelings about their own lost youth, but everyone likes fucking YA adventures where the plucky protagonist jumps the d of their hot teacher.

tl;dr people write chess like it's a classic literature bullshit but it's actually genre

tl;dr we'll have fun bucko

[keijournal]

Oh, is this how you did it.

[clocked_out]

holy shit
that is basically everything i would say about chess except with more references to book stuff
thats even the correct number of dick references i would use
fucking uncanny

[oneknightsstand]

I dunno if I should call alternate universe twinsies until I met you, but I'm sus.