quietmounds | (no subject)

[is there another pillow to throw?

throwing whatever's near at him.]

Don't be an ass. I'm not you, idiot.

[he kind of hurt and surprised when the laughing starts but then just ANGRY and god whatever

the wall loudly cracks a few times under his efforts but it doesn't stay broken and doens't break enough to let him escape]

[ there's a pillow or a bottle but either way, you know, it doesn't matter. ]

That's the point, Dazai~.

[ but he does stop laughing then ]

The point is that he was here, alone, and worried about you--not that you deserved it.

I was a distraction from that. Get that through your head.

[ain't even bothered by that fact?]

[st...op..s...

but doesn't turn around]

I know I don't deserve it.

[ DUH?????????? ]

[ ugh

long shakily exhale ]

It's too bad that you have a boyfriend, though maybe you should start a harem. People who deserve Dazai Osamu, catchy.

[ . . . pinches himself a little to just fuckin shut up.

ok take 2 ]

I have something to say to Chuuya but not while you're here.

[the harem thing just earns him a sour look. stop insulting my boyfriend?!

but whatever. Chuuya left his game here.

gonna just pop the earphones in and pointedly ignore them.

time to help Mikoto level up to 90.]

[ugh there is something just

real embarrassing about other dazai basically handling this better than him and also seeing this and????

but also listening to him be rational actually helped him get his temper and other, frankly worse, emotions under control.

He's still a little surprised when he turns around to see Dazai put his headphones in tho and gives him a kind of fond (small, weak) smile even if he can't see it

THEN exhales a heavy breath and walks back over to his trashfire dazai]

[ the sad irony is that he should have been more in control himself. honestly, over the years it's just degraded more and more, as if killing mori had been a calm and collected rational decision to begin with. it isn't like he hasn't been aware of it. it is the back end of the being pissed at his double -- better in basically every way.

also tho fuck that guy

he can't quite figure out what this is about or what the end result end goal game of it is but he does miraculously decide to set that aside to deal with the other issue at hand which is chuuya. ]

Sorry.

[ it isn't a very good apology but honestly he doesn't have a lot of practice and he isn't even looking for chuuya to DO anything about it. it would be fair if chuuya demanded a better one but he doesn't know what he'd say.

also fuck that other dazai. ]

[OTHER DAZAI IS BUSY GETTING FRUSTRATED THAT HIS COMBOS KEEP GETTING FUCKED UP BECAUSE WTF IS FINGER RHYTHM ANYWAY???]

[stares down at his dazai because it honestly is not a very good apology but he also isn't sure Dazai has ever apologized within the same conversation much less two apologies in as many days, admittedly the first one had basically been a sex game and Chuuya wasn't actually mad about anything at the time

but somehow he still isn't floored with what an amazing step this is, he's just sort of immediately tired

he takes a deep breath and then crouches so that he's on Dazai's level]

...Listen to me, because I'm going to explain this once more, and after that if you ever try and question my loyalty over some stupid shit like this again, I'm not even going to have even a fraction of this fight, I'm just going to leave until I hear a way better apology than that.

I put up with a lot of shit from you, but I'm not putting up with this one.

[ there’s something really funny about the situation but he doesn’t laugh. Chuuya doesn’t really get it, he thinks, but that’s fine. Dazai wouldn’t even say it, he knows, but it’s still funny — sad — that there’s this gap. It seems obvious to him. But maybe it also doesn’t matter. Maybe it never did. ]

I’ll agree to your ultimatum.

[ he can’t help but phrase it that way and also can’t help feeling like he should cut off his leg or something to free him from this fucking bear trap situation. ]

[rolls his eyes, whatever]

If I was going to leave you for someone [and he phrases it that way without thinking, because it's true, even though the meaning isn't the same if Dazai isn't his boss anymore] it wouldn't be for another Dazai fucking Osamu. If I was looking to trade up, why not the nice girl who actually gives a shit about how I'm feeling, or the hot vampire who basically thinks I'm the nicest guy he's ever met, or the fucking god of thunder who can actually give me a good fight and has a dick the size of your forearm?

[he sounds really salty as he says it, honestly, and aggressively runs a hand through his hair, and he assumes Dazai's impulse is going to be to say something shitty so he reaches out to clap a hand over his mouth before he gets the chance]

It's not a goddamn trick question, the answer to 'why not' is because I don't fucking want to.

[ it’s not like he hasn’t had his moments of jealously before but they’ve been easily solved and hadn’t left him feeling fucking exposed. What he hears isn’t what Chuuya is trying to communicate to him and he knows it. Since he can’t just ruin it immedisately with some comeback he has to think on it instead of just talk but.

Honestly what the fuck is wrong with Chuuya. Also, how many people is he seeing??

He would like to not feel any of theses feelings right. His stomach churns unpleasantly and he shuts his eye before slowly nodding. If the world is going to feel so unstable why won’t it just fling him off or swallow him up or something. ]

[That isn't dazai's look of dawning comprehension, he had actually gotten to see it a couple of days ago, but he has no fucking idea how to be more clear. Trying to claim that he didn't have options or that Dazai was simply the fucking best would obviously be an untrustworthy lie, but what does what matter if it doesn't matter to him?

He hesitantly removes his hand]

...I've earned you having at least that much faith in me.

[ he nods again but then holds his own hands over his mouth but it isn't to stay quiet it's because he feels sick again. though, he isn't really sick. ]

[I don't know what to do?? Why are you like this?? Why do my loyalty and dedication never actually matter??

If they were actually alone he would hit him, instead he puts a hand on his head]

[ yeah if. they were alone. other things might be said too but he just. takes several deep breaths and drops his hands to his side. ]

Later.

[okay, he can manage later

curls his fingers in Dazai's hair a bit, then gets up to go shuffle through the closet and spare blanket and bring it back so Dazai will at least not be lying huddled on the floor naked]

[ he honestly wouldn't care too much though it's weird with other dazai there but honestly fuck him. ]

[i mean you can also just hide under the blanket.

but honestly he is just. very tired, and also now hates this entire scenario, so after kind of irritatingly trying the door handle one more time he's just going to go face planet on the bed]

[ when will we be free from this hell ]

[STANDS UP ON THE BED, SHRIEKING BECAUSE HOW DARE THIS GAME???]

I was so close?!?!?!?

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