quietmounds | (no subject)

(no subject)

WHAT whatever
WHERE TEKKADAN (that's bldg O for those using the map) and surrounding areas i guess
WHEN Day 103??? (idk what time is)

[so basically, all the relevant people have been working hard at this building a gundam base thing and also taking care of dogs...

except for this drunken asshole who has basically just been flopping on his boyfriend each night recently and is currently playing with his adorable black puppy who is so happy to chase ball!

by "play", I mean... he pretends. to throw the ball. and judges the dog a little for chasing after nothing but air.

he is not good at dogs at all.]

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[ he holds that -- for a long few moments, long enough to the point where Dazai would be in danger of actually passing out -- before letting go of his hair entirely, stroking at it, approving. ]

There, that was much better, wasn't it?

[ he doesn't trust himself to say anything, and it feels like he can't, greedily taking deep breaths and nodding, though he doesn't at all release the tension in his back, as if waiting for another ]

[ he lets go entirely for a moment, giving Dazai a chance to -- well probably not relax but not live in as much suffering for a time. his fingertips go down his back, slow, contemplative, in a way that's probably agonizing in its own way. ]

[ makes a sharp sound, as if Mori's fingers were painful and then cuts himself off, his back rippling with a slow motion wince as Mori's fingers move ]

[ his fingertips drop to his thighs and his nails curl against those self-inflicted wounds from before, his breath slowly exhaling out ]

[ he knows he's wearing an expression of shame, so he's glad again that mori can't see it. the muscles in his legs are still mostly locked, tense under mori's fingers but unmoving, mostly. ]

Is this your own self-discipline? Or is it something you'd like to reduce as well ... ?

. . . the former.

Do you think it helps you in that?

It’s ... an attempt.

But not a a successful one, it seems.

[ silence for a moment but he doesn’t want to say nothing either ]

At times, it can be.

Does it stop you from drinking?

[ well they both know the answer to that don’t they ]

[ just sayin ]

It seems to be ineffective.

I don’t use it to curb my drinking, Mori-san.

[ his hands slide back up towards his back ]

Then what is it for?

[ shudders in queue ]

Focus on other things.

In your work? In your relationships?

[ twists to look back at Mori, briefly, when he asks that — then he looks back to the bed ]

There are times when I let my emotions get the better of me. This is an attempt to keep that in check. It works, often.

[ he doesn’t even think of it a lie — not when anxiety riddles him through and through until he puts something sharp to his skin or when he knows the world is better without him and steps from a high ledge or when all he cares about is making everything stop — but it isn’t quite the truth. ]

"Often" ... But does it work enough, I wonder?

[ his hands stop and then his nails curl into Dazai's sides, raking down ]

You've already admitted to losing your temper.

[ his breath shudders and he doesn’t answer that, not yet. Dazai rolls his shoulders, for the second time thinking about how being handcuffed with hands behind the back is too inconvenient. As if being handcuffed as ever not inconvenient. It could be fun, in some contexts, but he’s busy searching for the ‘right ’ answer ]

Wouldn't it be better to let me assist you?

[ his hands stop on him for a moment ]

[ ah, that makes it 'easier' ]

. . .yes, it would.

It must be difficult all by yourself, after all.