quietmounds | (no subject)

(no subject)

WHAT TEXT
WHERE THE FUCKING INTERNET
WHEN DAY 58 SURE

OK.
WHICH ONE OF YOU EVANESCENT SEEDFLAPS HAS RIGGED THE GAME ALREADY AND IS SITTING ON A MOUNTAIN OF CASH ECLIPSED ONLY BY THE SIZE OF YOUR OWN EGO.
I NEED A PIDDLING AMOUNT OF WHAT YOU PROBABLY USE TO WIPE YOUR NOOK WITH TO OPEN A WRIGGLER-FREE DRINKING ESTABLISHMENT.
YOUR PAYMENT FOR HANDING ME SEVERAL SACKS OF BOONBUCKS IS THAT THEN YOU GET TO GO THERE AND GET SMASHED AND I WILL BE MARGINALLY MORE TOLERANT OF YOU THAN THE OTHER ASSHOLES SURE TO SHOW UP.

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Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?

WHICH ONE IS HEADLINES "A FABULOUSLY WEALTHY MEMBER OF A FAKE ECONOMY INVESTS IN NEW LOCAL BUSINESS".
THAT ONE.
AND YOU CAN FORGET THE OTHER ONE. I DON'T CARE.

That works for me. Where are you now?

WAIT.
SERIOUSLY?

Sure, why not? I like you. And I am indeed fabulously wealthy.

WHAT.
WHY THE HELL DO YOU LIKE ME.
DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT YOU FUCKED UP YOUR MATESPRITSHIP.
THAT WAS YOU, RIGHT.

If I wanted people to tell me how good I am at making romantic decisions, I'd make different decisions, or at the very least tell different lies. You offered your honest opinion and then delivered it, as advertised. What's not to like?

UH.
OKAY.
I GUESS THAT IS A PRACTICAL AND REASONABLE RESPONSE PARTICULARLY FOR SOMEONE WHO IS ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY OUT OF HER SPONGE INSANE.
SURE, I'LL TAKE YOUR MONEY.
I'M IN MY RESPITEBLOCK BUT I CAN MEET YOU SOMEWHERE.

A sane person would be offended, I suppose. You can meet me at Luxe. I'll be there all day anyway.

SURE. KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT BEING TOO CHILL IS WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU.
AND OKAY. I'LL BE THERE IN AN HOUR.

I haven't conceded that there's anything wrong with me, have I?

See you soon.

[it' smore like an hour and a half but whatever she said she'd be there all day and he realized he had no clean laundry so really he's doing her a favor

anyway a troll in a hat and a trench coat and a stupid scarf appears

he looks dubious as shit about this, and realizes he has no idea what she looks like only once he's arrived]

Fuck.

[ Yukari presumably doesn't know what he looks like, either. But this dude is an alien who looks lost and apparently likes saying 'fuck,' so you know.

She's sitting at a table with a cup of coffee, and she just sort of laughs and waves for him to come over. ]

You're late. Couldn't decide what to wear?

You got me, it takes literal fucking years to pick this scarf out from amid the infinite other garish strangle garments in my massive wardrobe.

[sitting across from her after only a brief pause to look uncertain and uncomfortable about this entire place]

Anyway, I'm Vantas. Karkat Vantas. I don't think we actually exchanged names while I was criticizing you and your thousands of years past self.

Yukari. Are outlandish scarves going to be your business gimmick? Ooh, or funny alien drink names! You know, FERMENTED VINE-GLOBE SOPORIFIC or whatever.

There's actually only one scarf and it stays. The drink gimmicks will obviously all be named after Midnight Crew and our various outlandish heists. My business gimmick is going to be the same thing it always is which is listening to nooksniffer's blubber into their Three Wheel Gettaway about about how mind boggingly inept they are at navigating even the shallowest romantic waters, and then throwing them a couple of survival planks as long as they keep buying drinks.

Fortunately for you, I happen to love both alcohol and forcing people to listen to my various romantic escapades. How much money do you think you'll need?

Uh.

Okay, I'll be straight with you. Demand money from wealthy strangers is about as much thought as I've put into navigating this particular horseshit economy. But I can text you some numbers later. I'm guessing there's hooded figure in some incredibly stupid location I need to track down.

Great. Well, just find hooded figure guy and tell him Yukari will deal with the boring bits. He'll know what you mean. Here's my card if he asks for it.

[just sort of sliding him some cards. one is a business card from Yukari's spooky nameless financial firm. her family name is blacked out with sharpie so it's just 'yukari.'

the other card is a shiny black credit card with 'Karkat Vantas' on it]

That's got a limit of $100,000. Should cover you for the liquor, decor, that kind of thing.

[takes the credit card rather like he's never seen one]

Sure. I'm going to say 'thanks' under the assumption that you're not secretly "mastermind" of this place, and all of your suspicious behavior can be explained by explained by being old and crazy and powerful.

[she trusts that karkat will figure it out. shrugging and sipping at her coffee. she seems sort of pensive.]

Not a bad guess. I used to do basically this exact thing at home. You know, kidnapping random mortals from another world, dropping them in a pocket dimension unfettered by common sense and the normal laws of physics, propping up unsustainable economies for the sake of keeping the game running smoothly. This isn't really my style, though.

[Not exactly sure what he was expecting]

What, seriously?

[frowns as he taps the card]

I mean, I guess that makes a kind of sense, and probably beats out genocide and galaxy conquering as a hobby for the incredibly old and powerful.

How long have you been stuck here?

[ laughs dryly. ]

So far as I can tell no one ever leaves, as such. At best they end up in prison or rehab. In that sense I suppose it doesn't matter especially how long I've been here, does it? Ten years or a hundred or ten thousand, when measured against eternity it's all roughly the same.

lol
ok sure
kinda want a club around here tho
can u make a club

EEEEHH.
CAN I?
ABSOLUTELY.
IT'S NOT EVEN THAT HARD.
WILL I?
PROBABLY NOT.
I HAVE A VISION.
AND IT INVOLVES A PLACE WHERE I DON'T ACTUALLY NEED TO EMPLOY MY ABILITY TO SCREAM ABOVE A BUNCH OF CATERWAULING NOOKBITERS IN ORDER TO HAVE A CIVIL CONVERSATION.
I GUESS.
MAYBE I CAN PUT DOWN A FLOOR AND THERE CAN BE DANCE NIGHTS?
AND THEN SOMEONE ELSE CAN RUN IT.
BUT SIX OUT OF SEVEN DAYS A WEEK I WANT SOMETHING LOW-KEY WITH RELATIVELY LITTLE PROBABILITY I NEED TO THROW PEOPLE OUT FOR TRYING TO BUMP BULGES IN MY FINE ESTABLISHMENT.

hmmmm
guess i can rope some1 else in2 club
i do want a small place

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