quietmounds | (no subject)

[watches that gesture, thoughtful]

Do you find it a relief to be here?

Gods, no. I feel like I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. This wasn't fun the first time.

The first time?

When I was banished! And I had to figure out what the hell to do with myself.

You didn't really want to be King, did you?

[he shakes his head.]

It's complicated... I don't. At all. I wasn't ready when the time came, so I lost the right to the throne on so many levels. Then my mother died in battle, and... the realms flew into chaos and I was needed elsewhere. But then father... [sighs, tilts his head and drinks!] mother called my father to her. That was about a month ago? Two?

[hangs his head and rubs at his eye.]

Shit. I don't know if it's been one or two months since my father died. I've been in way too many time anomalies lately.

I'm sorry.

[a pause]

. . . I won't pry more. I don't have any intention of taking advantage of you.

I'm liable to talk as much as I like when I'm sober too.

[he snorts a little]

Well, I'd prefer to be assured of that.

[aw?? he laughs and pats his back.]

Haah, I know they'll be okay. I can rest easy.

[He flumps back in his chair. But he smiles, warm and wistful, at his glass.]

I would have liked to see Asgard to safety, though. I wanted to build something new with them. Would have liked to give my friend Hulk the home I promised him, too. With Loki at my side, and Heimdall, Gods, and a Valkyrie. There's no way it wouldn't have been glorious.

It doesn't seem so impossible to me at this stage. This is a temporal reality, but in the way of those things, you might find yourself back in your time exactly where it left off.

[nods!]

That's what I have to believe. I know it's ingenuous to my friend and brother who have been here so long despite their skill.

Well. If I can return... I want to rule, now. Those people, and my legacy, I want to give them my effort.

I don't think skill has anything to do with it. Though it's hard to find that balance between acceptance of circumstances and the momentum of trying to change them.

[he nods at Thor's other comment, somewhere between supportive and appreciative, like he's graciously approving of Thor's feelings]

One does have to give chaos its due.

[he quirks a smile, puffing his chest a bit at approval.]

We are a tough people. Protecting them and the realms as King will be my pride.

Y'know. Someday.

[thoughtful, taking a drink]

You know, when I first met Alexander, he was older than he is now. Fully an adult, a conquerer, a King.

When we met again years later, myself as I am now, he as he was in his youth—I could hardly make heads or tails of it at first. It seems that Heroic Spirits can be summoned at any point of their incarnation . . . And yet, he still retained his collection of memories—if only as a strange far-off echo. His meeting me, my loss of him. His own original life, his early death.

[a pause] Where I'm going with this, I suppose, is that I try to take my cue from him in how I approach being in unexpected situations. Even if I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing or where it'll take me—surely there's something to be learned from the experience.

... I see.

I always took those cues from my Father. Now that he's gone, and now that I reflect on how much of him I either... fabricated, as an ideal, or carry with pride because of the truth of his ideal, that I can now claim for myself because I'll, you know, do it right. [he laughs.]

I can understand you, I think. Even if the situation is stunningly different.

. . . it's easy to get caught up in idealization when someone's right in front of you. Or . . . well. It's just as easy to do it when you've lost them, too. You seem like you're aware of it, though.

[makes like, an "eegh" face.]

It was ah, shall we say rubbed in. I got the message. Not uh, entirely processed, it's all a bit raw for me. As you are well aware. You are very insightful, you know!

I do know.

[a little hint of amusement at that. but he also seems a little pleased?]

You have quite a few friends here, it seems, that are dealing with some related baggage. If you ever want an unbiased ear and a drink . . .

[he seems to light up, pleased.]

Thank you for the offer. I'll accept. The same to you, my friend.

[o-oh. visibly flustered.]

That's appreciated.

[BEAMS]

I'm glad you came to drink this day! This was fortuitous.

Well, it probably won't be the last day, either.

We'll have many days to look forward to.

[that gets a laugh. oh, look, his face knows how to relax]

I'll try to look at it like a vacation.